Thomas - I grew up quickly

I’ve always been a happy guy who liked being wherever something was happening. I went out partying a lot, and lived out my wishes and dreams.

Many probably saw me as the spoiled little brat who would never grow up and take responsibility for my actions. When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant and felt like all my dreams were being crushed.

I started dating Hege when we were both in school. I was set for military service directly after, and leaving her was horrible. I enjoyed the military too, but missed Hege a lot when we were apart. After six months I moved in with Hege, who had found herself an apartment. We were doing great and our relationship just kept growing stronger.

One evening, after we had lived together for a few months, Hege was unusually quiet. She was in a foul mood and I knew something was up. She finally told me she’d missed her period. Even though she was using birth control pills I was worried she had become pregnant. We bought a pregnancy test, and did it that same night. The test was negative. It was a giant relief. A child didn’t fit into my plans at the moment. But she still didn’t get her period and after a few days we bought a new pregnancy test. Also negative. This time I couldn’t quite relax. Something was amiss, and Hege and myself both felt it. Hege went to her doctor and was told that she was pregnant. She was in her 5th week of pregnancy.

I was told immediately when she came back home. I was frozen to the core and couldn’t say anything – I just put my shoes on and left – and I was gone for hours. I can hardly remember what I thought or did, but when I came home I saw that Hege had been crying. She told me she was worried I’d run away and leave her in this situation by herself. Poor girl – what must she have thought when I just left? But to run away would be a poor choice. Simply too cowardly.

In the evenings we would sit and talk about it. I argued that we had to think about our education, and that a child would ruin all of our dreams for the future. But I also understood that a girl can feel differently because this is something that is happening to her body. I was worried that Hege with struggle with it, and that it would ruin our relationship. In the days that followed I started being really aggressive towards everything and everyone. I felt like the world was against me, and that nothing’s right anymore.

And then it all became too much for me. I «freaked» out, I needed to get away from everything and hit the town. That’s when I met a girl I had been dating earlier. Vi met up several times after that, and at home I was dismissive and aggressive towards Hege. Luckily I finally realized what I was doing, and humbly apologized. It was a really hard time. Luckily Hege and I managed to talk about it.

Så ble det rett og slett for mye for meg. Jeg «flippa» litt ut. Jeg trengte å komme bort fra alt sammen og dro på byen. Der traff jeg en jente som jeg hadde vært sammen med før. Vi traff hverandre flere ganger etter det, og hjemme var jeg avvisende og aggressiv mot Hege. Jeg skjønte det heldigvis til slutt, og ba tynt om unnskyldning. Det var en skikkelig tøff tid. Heldigvis klarte Hege og jeg å snakke om det. I know that has paid off later on.

If I were to give others in my situation one advice it would be to take time to really think hard about it and talk about it. it is important that you take this time, because the decision you make will stick with you for life.

Sincerely Thomas, client of Stiftelsen Amathea