The men’s section

Is your love or sex partner pregnant? Surprising and not exactly planned? This can be a tough choice with many dilemmas and emotions. Pride, anger, panic, happy, shameful or just confused? She determines the outcome of pregnancy, but what are you doing?

It is a tough decision. So be well informed about your choices and prepare for what you want to do. Take control of your life situation. Talk about it and get advice. On these pages you can get more information. At Amathea you can talk to an experienced supervisor - alone or with your partner.  


Talk to a counsellor at 815 32 005 or contact us on chat at amathea.no (weekdays from 8.00 am to 8.00 pm)

Common dilemmas:

You are not alone. About 45% of all pregnancies in Europe are unplanned. And between 13,000 and 15,000 pregnancies in Norway end with an abortion. Many choose to have the child together or alone, or agree to cancel the pregnancy. But for many, this is a overwhelming and difficult decision.  


Some common dilemmas for men and boys are:


  • We are all too young and can't afford it, neither of us is ready for it
  • That was not the point, I'm not sure about this relationship
  • She would like to have children, but I'm not ready for it
  • I would like to have children, but she is not ready for it
  • Abortion is probably the best - but what does it mean to her and to me?

 You can read more about unplanned pregnancies and boys and men's experiences and perspectives here: My story 

Feelings:


Contradictory feelings are common. You can experience panic, how is it possible, how should I get out of this? Powerlessness and the feeling of losing control. Resignation and the feeling of being cheated. Uncertainty - is it for sure that I am the father? Concern, how should I do this? Shamefulness and guilt, what does she think about me, will she give me all the blame? Anxiety and sadness - will she finish it, will she shut me out, even if she chooses to have the baby? All this at once and often in the middle of the whole experience of excitement and pride. An abortion is a mixture of relief, sadness and loss of common feelings.

What to do and what not to do:


What to do:

Listen to her. Do not shut her out. This is difficult for you both. Be aware of her feelings and keep the communication lines open

Keep your composure. She needs your support. You need to think clearly. She is the one who is pregnant, but you have a responsibility - also in the future

Talk to others who are close to you and who you trust

Get an overview. Get knowledge and advice on all the pros and cons of choosing between pregnancy and abortion. Good knowledge is the basis for the best decision

Be honest. Make sure you're here for her - but be clear on what you feel


What not to do:

Do not be indifferent. The more you try to remove yourself from the situation, the more difficult it becomes to think and act clearly

Do not pressure her. Pressure can push her out in a situation you can both regret. Try to work together

Do not forget. You had an active role in this situation and you will still have in the future